For years, society assumed that autistic individuals struggle with empathy. But what if we’ve been looking at the issue all wrong? The Double Empathy Problem challenges the outdated belief that only autistic people have trouble understanding others—it suggests that the breakdown in communication is mutual, and it affects both neurotypical and autistic individuals alike.
I remember one teenage client I worked with in ABA therapy who always seemed “distant” to his teachers and peers. But when we created a space where he felt truly seen and heard, the transformation was profound. He had deep empathy—he just expressed it differently. His neurotypical peers often misread his intentions, and vice versa.
Once we reframed their interactions through the lens of double empathy, everyone started connecting more genuinely.
What is the Double Empathy Problem?
Exploring the Concept of Double Empathy
Let’s start with the basics: empathy comes more naturally when we’re interacting with people who are similar to us. We intuitively pick up on their cues, emotions, and social norms. But when we encounter someone who experiences the world differently—like someone on the autism spectrum—that intuitive understanding doesn’t come as easily.
In my experience, this gap in understanding isn’t one-sided. That’s what the double empathy problem highlights—both autistic and non-autistic individuals often struggle to “get” each other. And it’s not about lacking empathy—it’s about having different communication styles and social expectations that don’t always align.
Defining Double Empathy in the Context of Autism
The term “double empathy problem” was coined by Damian Milton, an autistic researcher who really changed the way we think about autism and communication. His theory challenges the outdated idea that autistic people struggle to understand others because of some innate deficit.
Instead, Milton emphasized that both autistic and non-autistic people can misread each other, leading to misunderstandings and frustration. In my practice, I’ve seen how these disconnects can affect friendships, school dynamics, and even how parents and children relate to each other.
What’s powerful about this theory is that it encourages us to move away from a deficit-based view of autism and embrace neurodiversity. It says: autistic individuals don’t lack social skills—they have different ones.
A Look Back: The History of the Double Empathy Theory
While the double empathy problem has gained more attention in recent years, autistic advocates have been talking about these communication mismatches for decades. Damian Milton formalized the term in 2012 while working at the University of Kent.
At the time, much of the research focused on the idea that autistic people lacked a “theory of mind”—the ability to understand other people’s thoughts and feelings. But Milton flipped the script. He suggested that misunderstandings in communication happen because of differences in perspective, not deficits.
This was a major shift. And in my field, it’s led to a more respectful, collaborative approach to therapy—one that values the autistic person’s experience just as much as anyone else’s.
What the Research Says
New Insights into the Double Empathy Problem
Recent research has started to back up what autistic people and allies have been saying for years: non-autistic individuals also struggle to understand autistic communication styles.
One study by Noah Sasson at the University of Texas at Dallas found that when non-autistic participants watched brief, silent clips of autistic individuals, they were less likely to want to interact with them. But when they read transcripts of those same individuals speaking, their impressions improved. That tells us that it’s not what autistic people say—it’s how different communication styles are interpreted.
Studies about the Double Empathy Problem
Let me share one of my favorite studies on this topic. Researchers ran a version of the classic “telephone” game to test how accurately participants could relay a message.
| Group Composition | Message Accuracy |
| All Autistic | High |
| All Non-Autistic | High |
| Mixed Autistic & Non-Autistic | Low |
What does this tell us? When people share similar communication styles, whether autistic or non-autistic, communication flows better. It’s only when those styles clash that breakdowns happen.
Empathy: It’s Not One-Size-Fits-All
Why Autistic and Non-Autistic People Experience Empathy Differently
There’s a concept called the mismatch of salience that helps explain why communication between autistic and non-autistic people can be tough. It means that different people notice and prioritize different things in a social interaction.
In my work, I often see that autistic individuals focus on shared interests or precise language, while non-autistic individuals might rely more on facial expressions or vague social cues. It’s not that one way is better than the other—they’re just different.
Another idea I love is neurodivergent intersubjectivity. It suggests that autistic people create shared understanding in ways that may not follow typical social norms—but are still deeply empathetic and meaningful.
Busting Common Myths
Autism and the Empathy Misconception
One of the most frustrating myths I encounter is that autistic people lack empathy. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Autistic individuals often experience empathy deeply, but may express it in ways that aren’t always recognized by others.
Unfortunately, older theories and diagnostic models focused so heavily on what autistic people “couldn’t” do that they overlooked these differences. We now know that much of what was once viewed as a lack of empathy is really a difference in communication style.
The Harm of Misconceptions
When people carry these outdated beliefs into social interactions, it can lead to negative outcomes for autistic individuals—things like exclusion, misunderstanding, and missed opportunities.
I’ve worked with many families who felt isolated because others didn’t understand their child. But when we start teaching about the double empathy problem, those walls begin to come down. It’s not about fixing the autistic person—it’s about building mutual understanding.
What Can We Do About It?
Practical Steps Toward Better Communication
The beauty of the double empathy theory is that it gives us a roadmap for improving communication—not just for autistic people, but for everyone. In therapy, I often coach both the child and their caregivers or peers to meet halfway.
Here’s what I recommend:
- Respect different communication styles. Don’t assume one way is the “right” way.
- Be patient. Sometimes it takes a little extra time to connect—but it’s worth it.
- Use clear, direct language. Avoid metaphors or vague expressions unless you know the other person understands them.
- Pay attention to shared interests. Building connection through common passions is often more effective than small talk.
Tools to Foster Mutual Understanding
Here are some simple but powerful ways to help autistic and non-autistic people connect more meaningfully:
- Shared activities: Whether it’s art, science, video games, or animals—starting with mutual interests creates a natural path to connection.
- Direct questions and honest answers: Many autistic individuals appreciate clear, straightforward communication.
- Don’t over-rely on nonverbal cues: Remember, not everyone interprets eye contact, facial expressions, or tone in the same way.
- Learn from autistic voices: Whether it’s books, podcasts, or conversations, hearing from autistic individuals themselves is one of the best ways to build empathy.
In my experience as an ABA therapist, understanding the double empathy problem has been transformative. It reminds us that communication is a shared responsibility, not a one-sided task.
When we view autistic individuals as having different—not deficient—communication styles, we start to open doors instead of closing them. We create space for connection, curiosity, and compassion.
If you’re navigating communication challenges with your autistic child, you’re not alone. At True Progress Therapy, we understand that connection is a two-way street. Our compassionate, personalized ABA therapy in New Jersey is designed to meet your child where they are—while supporting your journey as a parent, too.
Contact us today to learn how we can help build real understanding—together.
FAQs
What is the Double Empathy Problem in Autism?
The Double Empathy Problem suggests that communication breakdowns between autistic and non-autistic people are mutual—rather than the fault of just one side.
How does the Double Empathy Problem affect social skills in autistic individuals?
It shifts the narrative: instead of focusing solely on autistic deficits, it acknowledges that neurotypical individuals may also struggle to understand autistic perspectives.
Can ABA therapy help with the Double Empathy Problem?
Yes. A compassionate and individualized ABA approach can promote understanding, build social reciprocity, and foster better communication between neurotypes.
Sources:
- https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/double-empathy
- https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/double-empathy-explained/
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613221129123
- https://hbr.org/2022/10/stop-asking-neurodivergent-people-to-change-the-way-they-communicate
- https://www.verywellmind.com/the-double-empathy-problem-8726038